I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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