you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
