Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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