I could have mohawked her pubes.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize