I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
