And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
