you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
