If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
