last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
