is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
