I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
