He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
