my phone needs a breathalizer
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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