finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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