At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
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