Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
