seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
