I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
