I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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