I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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