I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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