Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize