Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
