sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
