Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
