On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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