Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
