Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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