She is in my trunk
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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