She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
