I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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