I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
