you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
