I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
