my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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