Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
