The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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