just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
