Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he was CRYING into my vagina
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
