her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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