just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
