I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
