i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
