The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
