It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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