Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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