her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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