wakey wakey hands off snakey
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
