Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
