O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
