He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
