apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
