wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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