hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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