I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
