'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
