The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
