I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize