I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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