After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
