Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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