just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
