yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think I am morally bankrupt
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
