One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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