And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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