i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
