Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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