he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize