Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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