I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
