Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
