You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize