I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
