he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
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I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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