i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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