she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
