you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
