and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
