He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
