Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
