Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
His hands were made for my vagina.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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