yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
