dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
