OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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