Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
