Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
