I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
