I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
