Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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