she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
