i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
