we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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