so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
