and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
So squirting runs in the family.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize