My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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