I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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