I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
