I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
