I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
