I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize