HIV tests are more positive than that guy
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Randomize
