i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
