Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
