Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
