well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
