If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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