Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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