Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize