I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
