do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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