You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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