You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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