HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It was confusing and full of hummus
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
