Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
