we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
